The Problem of Carpentry
by Hellga
Summary: How much does it take to make a fortress function? A full-scale evil fortress? This will probably be continued as a series of short vignettes.


Everything belongs to Tolkien. I promise to return everything in working order and undamaged.

I do not like how the White Council was portrayed in the movie, but at this time I cannot quite come up with an alternative. As I was pondering the question, this came up instead…

In the 77 years that passed between the White Council chasing the Necromancer out of Dol Guldur and the War of the Ring, Dol Guldur became quite a powerful fortress, strong enough to not only defend itself but in fact launch attacks against both Thranduil's people in Northern Mirkwood AND Lorien. And possibly contribute to the attacks on Dale and Erebor, though the latter does not make much logistical sense to me. And the person responsible for making it such a fortress was *drumroll* Khamûl, a Nazgûl of Easterling descent, who only had 67 years to turn the place around.

**Rebuilding Dol Guldur**

Khamûl surveyed his new domain and shook his head - not that it would be seen, with his hood pulled down. Orcs carrying long planks of badly planed wood must have felt it, though, for they quickened their pace and almost dropped their load as a result. Orcs were not quite what he had hoped for when told that he has to take command of this ruin of a fortress and make it into a true stronghold in less than fifty years.

"Easy for him to give such an order… I have heard what a disaster he himself was as a fortress commander!" Khamûl thought to himself, secure in his knowledge that Sauron could not read his thoughts from this far away. And even if he could – where would he find another sucker willing to accept this job?

Sure, Sauron was considerate enough and abandoned Dol Guldur without much of a fight when those fools came a-knocking. That was certainly nice of him to leave stone walls mostly intact… but presence of a fire-loving Wizard among the enemy ranks meant that the fortress needed plenty of new roofs, a new dungeon, a new warg stable, and a hundred other structures. And how was Khamûl supposed to accomplish all that with just inept Orcs at his disposal?

A bout of high-pitched swearing has torn Khamûl out of his musings and back to the grim reality. The Second Nazgûl sighed and ran up the stairs to the three Orcs arguing loudly over a bunch of badly bent nails.

"If they continue this way, we will exhaust our supply of nails before we get anything done!" he thought, and added a few choice words in his native tongue.

The Orcs froze in terror, sensing his displeasure. He could not risk diminishing his already meager workforce by throwing these three off the roof, though... They could haul the supplies up, at least. His thirty-five hundred year old joints did not relish the idea of running up and down the stairs himself… But as far as the nails, Khamûl realized he had only one option left to him.

The Easterling Nazgûl picked up the hammer himself and got the first nail in. Coming from a nomadic tribe that had no use for hammers or nails, and unable to see his fingers to boot, it was a wonder he only hit his fingers twice in the process. Curiously, invisible fingers hurt as much as visible ones would… Khamûl surveyed the pile of wood on the ground below and sighed yet again. It was going to be a long construction project. And then he remembered…

Didn't he have two more Nazgûl at least formally under his command? One of whom was actually a Númenórean and always sneered at how incompetent all the craftsmen in Middle-earth were. Let HIM show his superior Númenórean skills and cover the roof! Laughing (though to an ear not accustomed to Nazgûl noises it sounded like a really bad wheeze) he ran down the long staircase, immensely proud of himself for having solved his first big problem. If only he did not have a nagging feeling it was only the first of many…

**Author's Notes:**

2941 – The White Council attacked Dol Guldur; Sauron abandoned the fortress without much effort to put up a fight

2951 – Khamûl and two other Nazgûl came to reoccupy the fortress and stayed there pretty much until they left to hunt for the Ring in 3017

We know that Goblins were quite inventive and hand-on when it came to torture devices and weaponry, but did that proficiency extends to carpentry? Somehow I doubt it.

I very much doubt Khamûl would use Elvish terms such as Númenóreans, or unflattering Elvish names like Sauron and Dol Guldur – but I didn't want to populate what is meant to be a humorous little story with little-known linguistic detail, not to mention I have no idea what the actual terms he would use would be, though I may have an idea on some… That is also why I use terms such as "sucker".


End file.
